Wednesday 6 October 2010

Are you listening?

Every Tuesday afternoon I go to a Healthy Families learning session. I don't really need to go, but they have a free creche and it's an hour and a half of time to myself and I get a hot cup of tea and a natter with a lovely bunch of ladies.

Yesterday we were discussing stress (I scored so high on their little test there wasn't a bracket for me - which is alarming, but y'know, I won't stress about it, ha!) personalities, despression etc, and where to go for help. It was a very insightful lesson and made me think a lot about I percieve myself, and how others do. I know I'm loud, and quite brash at times, and I'm ashamed to say that I'm one of lifes interrupters, not because I'm rude and think what I have to say is more important, but because I'm excited to say it. I've recently noticed this in myself and I'm trying to sit back and listen more. So it was rather apt that at the end of the session we were given this poem.

When I ask you to listen to me
And you start giving advice
You have not done what I ask

When I ask you to listen to me
And you begin to tell me why I shouldn't feel that way
You are trampling on my feelings

When I ask you to listen to me
And you feel you have to do something to solve my problems
You have failed me, strange as that may seem
Listen! All I asked was that you listen, not talk or do - just hear me
Adive is cheap; ten cents will get you both
Dear Abbey and Billy Graham in some newspaper
All I can do for myself; I'm not helpless
Maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless
When you do something for me that I can
And need to do for myself,
You contribute to my fear and weakness

But when you accept as a simple fact that I do feel what I feel
No matter how irrational
Then I quit trying to concince you and can get about the business
of understanding what's behind this irrational feeling

And when that's clear, the answers are obvious
And I don't need advice
Irrational feelings make sense
when we understand what's behind them

Perhaps that's why prayer works, sometimes for some people
Because God is mute, 
And he doesn't give advice or try to fix things
"They" just listen and let you work it out for yourself

So, please listen and just hear me, and if you want to talk
Wait a minute for you turn
And I'll listen to you


I don't know who it's by, so can't reference it, but it's rather profound and already today which helping out a friend I've had this poem in the back of my mind and I just listened and let her talk. I hope it helped.

4 comments:

  1. So funny, i read your profile say you're happy go lucky but you scored high on stress, funny how we see ourselves & what psychologists/ tests/ studies tell us we are??
    I'm one of those positive types but yes, interupter, i'm excited to share too. I worked with a journalist (um, they have to be good listeners) & she would say "that was unsolicited information" & made me really shut up a lot & think before i spoke, listen more & learn. Handy lesson when i was still a teenager. My husband wouldn't agree, he says i don't have a filter between my brain & my mouth.
    Oh well, i'm happy & people seem to like me, i'm only here to impress my own children anyway. Love Posie

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm sure you helped your friend - I do know exactly what you mean though, I'm so excited to speak, I trip over my words! Thanks for visiting

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hi Amy
    I always interrupt, for the same reasons as you. You are clearly not alone. In fact I was interuoting the poem as I read it ha ha! But it's a sound reminder, a friend in need thanked me for helping her today and I felt I had done nothing but send a few texts which I felt were lacking advice or direction. Turns out they were well timed and she felt listened to. She solved the problem herself too.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Wise words! I'm guilty of always trying to 'solve' problems when perhaps the person doesn't actually want answers, they just want to vent. Will take this sage advice and listen more in future!!!! x

    ReplyDelete

I'd love to hear from you...