Do you ever not feel like it? And by it, I mean anything? This week in particular I've found with each day my mo-jo has ebbed a little bit more and I now feel totally lacking in any motivation whatsoever.

I was full of the joys of...umm...autumn last week. I was enjoying getting the house sorted, had a few projects underway and was generally fairly bouyant. I was certainly much more tolerant of the children who this week I'm struggling with. Maybe it's the turning weather, or that I'm now two weeks into an 11 week stint of single-mum-som, or the teething 7 month old. I just feel so tired.

Blimey, I sound so fed up, even I'm fed up of how fed up I am, how's that for irony! haha!

So, here is my challenge, my one woman self motivated for the unmotivated challenge. I have written the to do list (it's oh-so-long) and I'm am getting stuck into it every lack lustre step of the way and I hope that with the spotless house, entertained children, kitchen full of groceries and projects completed I might find my mo-jo and feel like actually getting up in the morning instead of spending the day counting down till I can feasibly crawl back into bed. We'll see!

Are you listening?

Every Tuesday afternoon I go to a Healthy Families learning session. I don't really need to go, but they have a free creche and it's an hour and a half of time to myself and I get a hot cup of tea and a natter with a lovely bunch of ladies.

Yesterday we were discussing stress (I scored so high on their little test there wasn't a bracket for me - which is alarming, but y'know, I won't stress about it, ha!) personalities, despression etc, and where to go for help. It was a very insightful lesson and made me think a lot about I percieve myself, and how others do. I know I'm loud, and quite brash at times, and I'm ashamed to say that I'm one of lifes interrupters, not because I'm rude and think what I have to say is more important, but because I'm excited to say it. I've recently noticed this in myself and I'm trying to sit back and listen more. So it was rather apt that at the end of the session we were given this poem.

When I ask you to listen to me

And you start giving advice

You have not done what I ask

When I ask you to listen to me

And you begin to tell me why I shouldn't feel that way

You are trampling on my feelings

When I ask you to listen to me

And you feel you have to do something to solve my problems

You have failed me, strange as that may seem

Listen! All I asked was that you listen, not talk or do - just hear me

Adive is cheap; ten cents will get you both

Dear Abbey and Billy Graham in some newspaper

All I can do for myself; I'm not helpless

Maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless

When you do something for me that I can

And need to do for myself,

You contribute to my fear and weakness

But when you accept as a simple fact that I do feel what I feel

No matter how irrational

Then I quit trying to concince you and can get about the business

of understanding what's behind this irrational feeling

And when that's clear, the answers are obvious

And I don't need advice

Irrational feelings make sense

when we understand what's behind them

Perhaps that's why prayer works, sometimes for some people

Because God is mute, 

And he doesn't give advice or try to fix things

"They" just listen and let you work it out for yourself

So, please listen and just hear me, and if you want to talk

Wait a minute for you turn

And I'll listen to you

I don't know who it's by, so can't reference it, but it's rather profound and already today which helping out a friend I've had this poem in the back of my mind and I just listened and let her talk. I hope it helped.

When the mind is willing, and the body is not

In fact, the mind is barely willing too.

It's a question of conditioning really. I need to get back into the swing of things. I am itching to get stuck into the quilt for BabyF, but come 8pm when I've done all I need to do with the kids, and all I want to do with the house, there just isn't enough juice left for me to do anything but mellow out on the sofa! Hopefully next week.

However, I can still make progress with the granny square cushion for MissM, only a few more to go and it's quite nice to take myself off to bed and hook myself to sleep (I don't get much done before sleep takes hold admittedly).

And that is exactly where I'm off to now.

Blogging: An Education

So, I am now a member of British Mummy Bloggers. Why didn't I find that place a couple of months ago at the beginning of my blogging journey? I would have found my feet so much quicker. I'm so far just trawling through the discussions trying to soak up as many tips as possible. I still very much trying to get to grips with all this, on the face on it, it seems I'm doing ok, but then I'll read something about blog hopping for example and think "whaaaaaaaaat?"!!

This blog, for me, serves as a memory. I'm not keen on just burting out the ins and outs of my day, but I try to find something of interest that I could write about. In the most part, my life can be pretty mundane, and certainly not photo worthy. But right now, it's a place to put the great moments of the day for the people that can't be here to share it with me, so do I include everything, what if there are too many great moments, do I still stick to the 'story'? Ack!

I know I've got a long way to go, I'm new to the community (and what a lovely community it is) so I'm just learning at the front of the class hoping that I'll get it eventually and people will like it.

We shall see.

Hasn't he grown

The past couple of days Fraser has definitely shown he's mastered his new skills. I cannot believe how quickly the last 6 months have gone, and am in awe of this little human being that can now sit and snaffled a biscuit (takes after his mama), crawl around and make my heart all but break with one of his belly laughs.

He absolutely loves his reflection, a little bit of vanity never did anyone any harm...

And isn't this just the cutest?

We're two days into being just the three of us, and so far, no problems to report despite Mr Fraser being in a grips of teething, bless him.

A kiss goodnight, twice

I loathe the inconvenience of a dreamfeed, but love the peaceful serenity that envelopes the house during it, a time to sit and contemplate for a few minutes without distraction. Tonight I enjoyed it.

I always check on the children before I turn in for the night, I can't sleep unless it's been done. For Fraser it's a given, he needs a feed, but for Maddie I do it purely for the fact that I get to give her another kiss goodnight and to tell her I love her. And, I have also, for like, forever, given her two kisses, one for me, one for daddy, I do it instinctively when he's not here to do it himself. But it was only tonight that I noticed myself doing it, and tonight that I spent those few minutes of peace and quiet considering it.

Their father, who is a brilliant one at that, is away from them far too often. They are fine with it, Maddie less so because she's older, wiser, but still well adjusted to the coming and going nature of their pa. I find myself in the position of filling this massive void, I don't know whether I do it well enough, but I do it as well as I can and I suppose I should expect no more. I am grateful that when he's here, he is 100% here, he gives his all to his family and for that, the least I can do for him to to make sure that those kiddo's of ours get a goodnight kiss from us both, and know they're loved by us both. It's in my subconcious, isn't that weird?

I hope the two kisses make up for it...

And then there were three...

I'm riding solo again for a little while whilst Rich is in Belize stencilling things. We've been dealt a pretty shoddy set of cards this year with the amount he's been away and I'll be glad to see the back of it in a few months time. But enough of being melancholy....

The weather has turned grim. So with that, I dusted off the slow cooker and whipped up a stew yesterday and I have soup cooking away in it today. Yummy.

Doesn't it make you feel all warm just looking at it?

Also, with Rich going away I didn't want to hole myself away in front of the sewing machine, so made the most of being sofa bound for a few evenings by cracking on with the crochet. Thanks to my wonderful mum who gave me a quick lesson in granny squaring (is that a word? I think not) and away I went. I'm thrilled with how well they're turning out, and more so, to make something out of the lovely Debbie Bliss wool I've had kicking around from the disasterous attempt at making knitted building blocks. I won't have enough to make a large throw, so I think I'll do a cushion for M's bed and see what's left. I'm going to make blankets for the tent, to pretty up those ugly beds and sleeping bags. It's twee, I know, but I love it. 

Hooky Happy

 

 

I also couldn't resist the Halloween outfits when I went grocery shopping today, so Maddie and Fraser are kitted out for trick or treating now, she will be a cat, and he will be a vampire. I love love love them and can't wait to see them all dressed up, I will post some pics when they're in them. I have ordered a few decs too for the porchway, all that's left is the sweets (daren't buy them too far in advance, they'll get eaten) and the pumpkin carving -squeal!!!

 

Right, whilst the baby sleeps I'm going to stick on something trashy and crochet away to myself for a while.